Attack on Lake Tardicaca
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Set at around the same time as The Lord of The Cuts trilogy. The Freedom Pals who stayed behind to protect South Park, go to Lake Tardicaca to find Mexican Joker and stop Nathan from blowing up the camp


Freedom Pals base, long before the end of the quest for the Snyder cut.

Super Craig, Wonder Tweek, Coon Girl and Captain Diabetes were in the base looking at the computer.

Super Craig: This guy is too good.

Wonder Tweek: AAAAHHHH! What if he strikes again?

Captain Diabetes: He would've gone on to achieve great things if he wasn't adopted by the Whites.

Fastpass enters the base.

Fastpass: H-h-h-hey fellas.

Captain Diabetes: Has your quest ended?

Super Craig: I knew it was gonna end badly when Jason made The Coon leader.

Fastpass: N-n-n-no, I just decided to end the quest. Spe-spe-spe-spe-spe-Technically for me.

Coon Girl: Well we could use your help.

Fastpass: Te-te-te-te-indulge me.

Coon Girl: We're trying to find Mexican Joker.

Fastpass: Mex-Mex-Mex-Mexican Joker?

Wonder Tweek: Yeah (Tweek twitches) There's been sightings of him everywhere.

Coon Girl: From South Park elementary to Stark's Pond.

Fastpass: Any re-re-recent sightings?

Coon Girl: Here's a recent sighting.

Coon Girl shows an image of a bunch of guys dressed as Joker on the computer.

Fastpass: W-w-w-which one is Alejandro?

Coon Girl: Huh? Oh sorry. That's meant to be my school project. It's about the China riots.

Super Craig: Why is your school project on Token's giant computer?

Coon Girl: Plot holes are for comment sections only.

Captain Diabetes: What comment sections?

Coon Girl: Doesn't matter.

Coon Girl shows the image of where the sighting took place.

The image had a blur beside a tree.

Fastpass: H-how are you so sure that's Mex-Mex-Mex-Mexican Joker?

Super Craig: She thinks every blurry image is Mexican Joker.

Coon Girl: No I don't.

Wonder Tweek: Well you thought that (Tweek twitches) Kevin Stoley was Mexican Joker when he was dressed as Joker for Comic Con.

Fastpass: W-w-where was this recent image taken f-f-f-from?

Coon Girl: Lake Tardicaca.

Fastpass: Lake Tardicaca?!

Coon Girl: Yeah.

Fastpass: W-we have to go there now!

Super Craig: Why? It's just a stupid camp.

Fastpass: It's wh-wh-where handicapped people go. Mentally and phy-phy-physically.

Coon Girl: Well come on guys.

Super Craig: Excuse me. Who's in charge?

Coon Girl: Sorry.

Super Craig: We're not going. End of story.

Coon Girl: Why?

Super Craig: Because for the last few days you wasted our times by making us go on a wild goose chase for a stupid kid and look how much trauma you have caused Tweek.

Wonder Tweek was in the corner shaking.

Wonder Tweek: He's here man! AAAAHHHH!

Super Craig: Heidi's just being delusional Tweek, ignore her.

Fastpass: W-w-well if Mexican Joker is at Lake Tardicaca than I must save it.

Captain Diabetes: I'm coming because Super Craig, you're a shit leader.

Fastpass, Coon Girl and Captain Diabetes leave the base.

Super Craig: You don't deserve to be leader.

Super Craig flips them off.

Super Craig: Fuck them. Seriously.

On the bus ride to Lake Tardicaca.

Coon Girl: So Jimmy. How was the quest going?

Fastpass: Well, we en-en-en-encountered Bill Skarsgård and he isn't as n-n-n-nice in real life.

Coon Girl: How's Kyle? Have you been protecting him?

Fastpass: Uh yeah.

Coon Girl: Oh good. Because if any of you, especially Cartman try to kill or hurt Kyle, than I will fuck them up.

Fastpass: Y-yeah.

Fastpass looks out of the window with guilt.

Fastpass than changes seats and sits with Captain Diabetes.

Captain Diabetes: You know what Jimmy? I actually regret not going. Because I am a fan of Bill Skarsgård. I don't care if he tried to kill you guys but-

Fastpass: I tried to kill K-K-K-Kyle.

Captain Diabetes: Um ok. I guess that doesn't con-WHAAAATTTTT?!

Fastpass: SSSSHHHHHHH!

Captain Diabetes: Why?

Fastpass: I-I-I-I had no control o-over it. The cut was in control of me.

Captain Diabetes: The cut? So you haven't found it yet?

Fastpass: N-n-no we haven't.

Captain Diabetes: Lets hope the guys don't run into Joss Whedon.

They make it to Lake Tardicaca.

But the camp looks very rundown.

Coon Girl: Why does the place look like shit?

Fastpass: Oh. It's Slasher movie week at camp.

Coon Girl: In November?

Fastpass: Yeah. As much as I lo-lo-love this camp. I admit they seem to plan their themes at bi-bi-bizarre times.

Coon Girl: I say we have a look round the camp.

Captain Diabetes: Lets split up.

Coon Girl: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Fastpass: I-I-I-I don't know Scott. Spli-spli-spli-splitting up does seem like kind of a bad idea.

Captain Diabetes: It doesn't to me Jim. I'll go this way, while you and Heidi go the other way.

Coon Girl: Excuse me. Who put you in charge?

Captain Diabetes: Sorry.

Coon Girl: Alright, since you're so determined to split up for some reason we'll split up. I'm with Jimmy, and Scott, you can go on your own.

Captain Diabetes: Yes I will. Captain Diabetes needs nobody.

Fastpass: Y-y-you sure you don't want me to c-c-com-com-com-co-accompany you?

Captain Diabetes: I'm sure Jimmy. Captain Diabetes will find Mexican Joker and bring him to justice.

Captain Diabetes runs off to find Mexican Joker.

Coon Girl: Come on Jimmy.

Fastpass stares at Coon Girl with fear.

Fastpass (Speaking in his thoughts): W-w-w-what if Heidi finds out? Will s-s-she kill me because I a-al-almost killed Kyle? Why am I stut-stut-stut-stut-stuttering in my thoughts?

Meanwhile.

Captain Diabetes was looking around the camp whilst on his phone.

Captain Diabetes was laughing.

Captain Diabetes: Oh this is the funniest TV show I've ever seen.

Captain Diabetes was watching Servant.

Captain Diabetes notices a bathroom and notices someone dancing.

Captain Diabetes: Weirdo comes first, Servant later.

Captain Diabetes places his phone back into his pocket.

Captain Diabetes hides beside the corner and sees none other than Mexican Joker dancing.

Mexican Joker danced while chilling music played in the background.

But really there was no music playing.

Captain Diabetes: Boy this guy's a complete nut job.

Suddenly the sound of a gun clocking was heard.

Nathan: Don't move.

Captain Diabetes: Oh shit.

Meanwhile.

Coon Girl and Fastpass were looking around the camp.

Coon Girl: This place is creepy, right Jimmy?

Fastpass didn't answer.

Coon Girl: Jimmy?

Fastpass: W-w-what? Sorry.

Coon Girl: You ok?

Fastpass: I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?

Coon Girl: You just seem uncomfortable around me. Do you have feelings for me?

Fastpass: W-w-what? No. Not that I think you're n-n-n-n-n-not beautiful, you're just not my type.

Coon Girl: I understand Jimmy.

Mimsy: She's definitely my type.

Fastpass and Coon Girl screamed.

Coon Girl: How long were you standing there?!

Mimsy: Quite a while. I didn't wanna interrupt your conversation.

Fastpass: W-w-what do you want?

Mimsy: Boss told me to make sure you guys don't find the bombs he has hidden around the camp and he told me not to tell you about the bombs.

Fastpass sighed.

Coon Girl: Why is he friends with you?

Mimsy: Because I'm the only one who doesn't find him perverted, creepy and psychotic.

Fastpass: W-w-where are the bombs?

Mimsy: My boss knows where they are. I don't because he doesn't trust me with knowing the location of the bombs.

Coon Girl: Thanks Mimsy.

Mimsy: But I still have to cut you.

Mimsy pulls a machete out of his pocket.

Coon Girl: Fuck!

Fastpass: R-r-run.

Fastpass and Coon Girl start running.

Mimsy: Please let me cut you.

Meanwhile.

Nathan was holding Captain Diabetes at gun point and forcing him to walk.

Captain Diabetes: Where are you taking me?

Nathan: Taking you somewhere where you can be executed.

Captain Diabetes: Why don't you just kill me now?

Nathan: They'll find your body if I kill you here. I'm taking you somewhere where they'll never find you.

Nathan was taking Scott to a river.

Scott tied a chain around Scott's legs.

Than Nathan tied the chain to a rock.

Captain Diabetes: Oh shit!

Nathan: That's right.

Captain Diabetes: Please don't kill me!

Nathan: You're a member of the Freedom Pals so it's obvious you are the one who'll stop me.

Captain Diabetes: I might not stop you.

Nathan: Why?

Captain Diabetes: Because I might not.

Nathan: Unless there are others here. Tell me who's here!

Captain Diabetes: I swear, I don't know who else is here.

Nathan clocks the gun at Scott's head.

Nathan: You're lying. Tell me who else is here!

Captain Diabetes: Alright I'll tell you.

Nathan: Who?!

Captain Diabetes: Your psychologist.

Captain Diabetes laughs.

Nathan punches him.

Nathan: Lies! Who else is here?

Suddenly Nathan got hit on the back of the head with a baseball bat.

And it was by Mexican Joker.

Mexican Joker notices Captain Diabetes and stares at him.

Captain Diabetes: AAAAAHHHHH! Please don't hurt me Mexican Joker!

Mexican Joker continues staring at Captain Diabetes.

Captain Diabetes: I haven't even found the perfect girl yet! Please don't kill me!

Mexican Joker stares at Captain Diabetes menacingly.

Mexican Joker: (Says something in Spanish).

Mexican Joker walks away from Scott.

Captain Diabetes: That was close. Is anyone gonna unchain me? I only have 2 syringes of insolent left.

Meanwhile.

Fastpass and Coon Girl were still being chased by Mimsy.

Mimsy: Please, my boss will kill me if I don't cut somebody.

Coon Girl and Fastpass continue running.

They run past Captain Diabetes.

Captain Diabetes: Hey guys.

But they didn't acknowledge him.

They run into a cave but came to a dead end.

Fastpass: F-f-fuck.

Mimsy: Alright. Don't you dare move!

Fastpass: H-H-H-Heidi do something.

Coon Girl: My claws against a machete? It'll be Mimsy one, Heidi zero.

Mimsy approaches Coon Girl and grabs her by the wrist.

Coon Girl has tears in her eyes.

Mimsy: Now hold still.

Fastpass: Heidi if we die. There's something I need to t-te-te-t-t-inform you.

Coon Girl: What is it Jimmy?

Fastpass: I al-al-al-almost killed Kyle.

Coon Girl: On accident?

Fastpass: Sort of.

Coon Girl: What?!

Fastpass: I'm sorry.

Mimsy: You ready now?

Coon Girl: I don't think I should go first.

Coon Girl glares at Fastpass.

Mimsy: I always like to do ladies first.

Mimsy cuts Coon Girls hand.

Mimsy: There we go.

Coon Girl: What?

Mimsy lets go of Coon Girl's hand.

Mimsy: Now you Jimmy.

Mimsy puts a cut on Fastpass' hand.

Fastpass: W-w-what?

Coon Girl: I thought you were gonna kill us.

Mimsy: No my boss told me to cut ya. And that's what I did. I cut ya.

Coon Girl: Right.

Mimsy: Well I'm going home. You two have a nice night.

Fastpass and Coon Girl just stare off into the distance with confusion.

Coon Girl: What were you saying about almost killing Kyle?

Fastpass: It was-was-wasn't my fault. I had no control.

Coon Girl: You almost killed Kyle!

Fastpass: P-please don't kill me.

Coon Girl: I won't. But I might break your fucking braces later.

Fastpass: Wouldn't that be classed as a crime against the disabled.

Coon Girl: I don't care.

They approach Nathan's unconscious body.

Nathan wakes up to see Fastpass and Coon Girl.

Nathan: Oh fuck me. It had to be you Jimmy Valmer. I hate you so fucking much.

Coon Girl: Enough chit chat. Where are the bombs?

Nathan: That fucking idiot! I told him to kill anyone who enters this camp.

Fastpass: Mim-Mim-Mimsy told us you to-to-told him to cut anyone who en-entered the camp.

Nathan: I gotta start being specific with that fucking retard.

Coon Girl: Where are the bombs?!

Nathan: Up my ass.

Captain Diabetes: You better check guys. He might have a snuke up there.

Coon Girl: Shut up Scott Malkinson. Where are the bombs?!

Nathan: Fuck you.

Coon Girl places one of her claws on Nathan's neck.

Coon Girl: Tell me.

Fastpass: Heidi.

Coon Girl: Shut up Jimmy! I'm not done with you!

Fastpass: I had n-n-no control of myself!

Coon Girl: You still had the intention to kill Kyle!

Captain Diabetes: He had no control of it!

Coon Girl: You knew too!

Captain Diabetes: Yes!

Coon Girl: I'll deal with you later Scott.

Captain Diabetes: Can you unchain me?

Coon Girl: Shut up Scott Malkinson!

Nathan: Alright! The main bomb is in the councillor's office. And when it detonates, the other bombs will.

Fastpass: H-how do we stop it?

Nathan: I don't know.

Coon Girl moves her claw a little.

Nathan: That's the truth! That's the fucking truth!

Coon Girl: Where did you buy them from?

Nathan: Randy Marsh.

Coon Girl: That fucking terrorist!

Fastpass: Do you k-kn-know how to disarm it?

Nathan: I never bothered to ask.

Coon Girl: Shit!

Nathan: Can you let me go?

Coon Girl knocks out Nathan.

Captain Diabetes: Heidi!

Coon Girl: What?! He's gonna commit an act of terrorism. And don't think I haven't forgiven you for what you did to Kyle!

Fastpass: Y-you gotta listen to me H-H-Heidi. I-I-I-I-I didn't have control of my-my-

Coon Girl: Shut the fuck up Jimmy!

Captain Diabetes: He's telling the truth Heidi.

Coon Girl: Shut up Scott Malkinson!

Captain Diabetes: That's it! Heidi do me a favour and stop being a bitch! Jimmy is telling the truth! He had no control of himself because he was controlled by the Snyder cut! I know that sounds ridiculous, but trust me Jimmy would never attack Kyle! So either you stop being a bitch or otherwise I'll have to use my diabetic rage against you!

Coon Girl starts to tear up.

Coon Girl: I'm sorry.

Captain Diabetes: Wow. That felt good.

Fastpass: H-H-Heidi it's ok.

Coon Girl: I'm so sorry.

Fastpass: H-H-Heidi listen-

Coon Girl: I don't deserve to be leader, Craig was right.

Fastpass: Y-y-you are a good leader. N-not the best, but you're still a g-g-great leader.

Coon Girl: Thanks Jimmy.

Nathan: By the way, while you were talking. I set off the timer for the bomb, you have 55 minutes before the main one explodes and than it'll be 9/11.2.

Coon Girl: You bastard!

Coon Girl grabs her phone.

Coon Girl: Craig where are you and Tweek right now?

Super Craig: Me and Tweek are just having date night, by throwing toilet paper over the White's house.

Wonder Tweek: Hey Craig (Tweek twitches) Put it on speaker phone.

Mr White: Oh there you go again, throwing toilet paper all over my house. You do realise that my son is dead?

Super Craig: It sucks that your son is dead, but nobody cares anymore! Every time you speak a donkey loses a leg.

Mr White: You know when your boyfriend-

Wonder Tweek throws toilet paper at Mr White.

Mr White: Fuck you.

Mr White goes back into his house.

Super Craig: What's the problem Coon Bitch?

Coon Girl: (Sigh) I need you and Tweek to go to Mr Marsh's house and try force him to get the password to the bomb Nathan has placed at the camp.

Super Craig: How long do you have left?

Coon Girl: Around 52 minutes.

Wonder Tweek: AAAAHHHH! We won't have enough time!

Super Craig: I think we do Tweek.

They notice Randy hanging out at the Stotch's laughing with Thomas Tucker, Ryan Valmer and Gerald.

Super Craig: We'll try and get an answer out of him. And we'll call you back.

Super Craig hangs up.

Wonder Tweek: Wanna throw (Tweek twitches) a few more rolls of toilet paper before we interrogate Mr Marsh. We have enough time.

Super Craig: Aww what the fuck.

Back at the camp.

Nathan: You won't have enough time to stop the bombs.

Coon Girl knocks out Nathan.

Fastpass: O-o-ok! Enough with the knocking out of han-han-handicapped people.

Coon Girl: Sorry. Alright, Scott you keep an eye on Nathan, Jimmy you find the bomb and once Craig tells me the password to disarm the bomb, I'll text you it and I'll try and find Mexican Joker.

Fastpass: O-o-o-o-o-on it.

Fastpass runs off.

Coon Girl runs off to find Mexican Joker.

Captain Diabetes: You guys, I'm still chained to this rock! And I can't move an inch. The rock's too heavy to pull and I'm almost out of insolent!

Coon Girl throws some insolent at Captain Diabetes.

Captain Diabetes: Thank you. I'm kind of low. Any-

Coon Girl throws a candy bar.

Captain Diabetes: Thank you.

Meanwhile.

Stotch residence.

Super Craig and Wonder Tweek enter the house and notice the guys were getting high on Tegridy weed.

Super Craig: Mr Marsh. What is the password to deactivate the bombs?

Randy: Oh it's 49320.

Wonder Tweek: So I'm assuming these were pointless.

Wonder Tweek had a baseball bat and a crowbar.

Super Craig: The baseball bat might be good for something.

Super Craig grabs the baseball bat and hits Randy Marsh's leg.

Randy: Ow fuck! These hallucinations are realistic.

Thomas: They look intense.

Stephen: Totally.

Super Craig uses the baseball bat to hit Stephen in the leg.

Stephen: Oh! Wow!

Wonder Tweek: Babe, enough. It's my turn.

Wonder Tweek uses the baseball bat to hit Gerald in the leg.

Gerald: Ow! When did Tegridy Weed's hallucinations suddenly feel real?

Meanwhile.

Coon Girl was looking for Mexican Joker.

Coon Girl: Come on. Alejandro. I promise I won't hurt you.

Coon Girl gets a text from Super Craig.

And it said "49320. That's the password" and also a middle finger emoji.

Coon Girl sighed and forwarded it to Fastpass.

The councillor's office.

Fastpass: T-t-thanks.

Fastpass types the password in.

And the bombs get deactivated.

Fastpass: Hoo-hoo-hooray.

Meanwhile.

Coon Girl continues searching for Mexican Joker.

Coon Girl: Alejandro! Alejandro!

Suddenly someone places a knife on Coon Girl's neck and it was Mexican Joker.

Mexican Joker (Speaking Spanish): Don't move.

Coon Girl (Speaking Spanish): Please don't hurt me.

Mexican Joker (Speaking Spanish): Ahh! Every time with these people.

Coon Girl (Speaking Spanish): What are you gonna do to me?

Meanwhile.

Fastpass was outside the councillor's office.

Fastpass grabs his phone and dials Coon Girl's number.

Coon Girl (Voice): Hi. I might not be available right now, so please leave a message after the tone.

Fastpass: O-o-oh shit.

Fastpass notices smoke signals by the Indian burial ground.

Fastpass: Oh fuck!

Fastpass starts running, he ran past Captain Diabetes who's leg was still tied to a rock.

Captain Diabetes: Hey Jimmy.

But Fastpass didn't acknowledge him.

Captain Diabetes: Goddamnit!

Fastpass made it to the Indian burial ground and sees Coon Girl tied to a tree with a red smile painted on her and a piece of paper taped to her chest.

Fastpass: H-H-H-H-Heidi!

Fastpass runs up to Coon Girl and unties her.

Fastpass: Did he cut your face?

Coon Girl: No.

Coon Girl licks some of the red stuff from her lips.

Coon Girl: It's ketchup.

Fastpass removed the piece of paper from Coon Girl.

Coon Girl: What does it say?

Fastpass: I-I-I-I don't know.

Coon Girl grabs the piece of paper.

Coon Girl: It's written in Spanish. "I don't know why you're after me, but leave me alone".

Fastpass: Sh-sh-should we leave him alone? Or do we let him roam free?

Coon Girl: I don't know. He didn't kill me. Maybe he isn't as psychotic as we thought. Maybe we should let him go.

Fastpass: W-what?!

Coon Girl: I know it may seem insane, but I think maybe he spared because I didn't treat him like trash. It was Mr White and some parts of South Park he wants dead. I treated him nicely.

Fastpass: That sounds fuck-fuck-fuck-fucking insane.

Coon Girl: I know.

Fastpass: C-c-come on. Let's get out of here.

Coon Girl: Let's get Nathan and make sure we don't forget anything.

Later that night.

Captain Diabetes was still there; leg chained to the rock.

Captain Diabetes: Fuck those guys seriously.


End file.
